Stuck in Linköping. Författarporträtt kanske..?

Sitter i Linköping och gör typ... Nada.

Ska väll snart ge mig i akt med att läsa lite mer i Radway's Reading the Romance, men först vill jag slå ett slag för min favoritförfattare (inte all time, men en av mina favoriter i all fall).

Sigge Eklund.

Av hans böcker har jag läst typ alla.

• 1999 - Synantrop – en kärlekshistoria ISBN 91-0-056926-7 (Albert Bonniers förlag)
• 2002 - Den sista myten ISBN 91-0-057854-1 (Albert Bonniers förlag)
• 2005 - Det är 1988 och har precis börjat snöa : roman ISBN 91-0-010030-7 (Albert Bonniers förlag)
• 2007 - Varulvsvalsen ISBN 91-0-011329-8 (Albert Bonniers förlag)

(Taget från Wikipedia: http://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sigge_Eklund, men det är de böckerna jag läst.)

Sigge Eklund skriver böcker om vardagsdrama, om sociala "problem" och om människor, och jag är mycket besviken att han på bokmässan 2009 nämnde att hans första roman inte kommer att tryckas igen, skulle väldigt gärna vilja få tag på den!

Jag kan inte avgöra vilken som är bäst, men Synantrop och Den sista myten ligger definitivt i topp. De har lite liknande ämne som de tar upp, men är ändå helt olika.

Det jag gillar bäst med Sigge Eklund är det sätt han skriver på. Korta meningar, radbrytningar och så vidare. Man får ett högt tempo i boken, de är lättlästa men inte barnanpassade utan de tar fortfarande upp seriösare ämnen.

Om ni undrar över hur jag menar är Varulvsvalsen den boken som bäst beskriver hans skrivsätt, men då har han faktiskt fått utveckla sitt skrivande, Det är 1988 och har precis börjat snöa är den boken som mest liknar en "vanlig" bok i hur den är utformad.

En bok

Varulvsvalsen

Varulvsvalsen, Sigge Eklunds senaste bok, och den första jag läst, handlar om Rebecka. Rebecka är missbrukare och boken beskriver hennes försök att ta sig ur missbruket.

Boken är skrämmande och väldigt välskriven, och den beskriver hur man som anhörig till en missbrukare går igenom samma våndor som den missbrukande, och hur myndigheter och omgivningen kan bete sig. Språket i boken är än mer korthugget än vad han har haft i sina tidigare böcker, och man slits mellan hopp och förfäran tillsammans med huvudpersonerna.

En mycket bra bok som rekommenderas starkt till alla!

Kort om Sigge Eklund

Sigge Eklund är en stockholmsförfattare som startade sin karriär i bloggvärlden, men har även gjort lite annat. Numera bor han i USA (Los Angeles) med sin familj.

The un-censoured version of Twilight

This is what really happened when Bella Swan moved to Forks, Washington.

Part 7

This evening Bella were going to teach her father to cook, both dinner and breakfast.
- Soo, you put aaaall of this in?
Her father were watching the cup of cream next to the stove.
- Yep.
- But... It's so much!
- Well, it's low on fat, and calories, and a lot better than all this light versions with sugar in that becomes fat.
- Oh, okay.
Her father poured in in the saucepan and stired.
- Now let it cook for a few minutes, and then... It's ready! Look dad! Youhave cooked your all first dinner!
- Yeah...
There were a knock on the door.
- Who could that be at this hour a friday night? Bella could you?
Her dad struggled with getting his apron off and Bella laughed her head off.
- Sure.
She opened the door, and outside stood a very handsome guy.
- Hello! And you are..?
Bella hadn't noticed the old man in the weel chair, and were wondering what this sexy guy could want her dad.
- Hey! You must be Bella.
Bella made a small jerk when she realized the man was there.
- Oooh.
She blushed. Behind her she heard her dad.
- Black is that you?
- Hey old man, of course it's me! Who else would even think of visiting you? Especially on a Friday night?
- Come on in! It that your son?
- Yeah, this is Jacob.
Bella, it were from this lovely man I got your truck. Do you remember Jacob? You used to play a lot as children.
- Oh, no, sorry.
How could she forget this awesome looking young man? He must have been beatuiful, even as a child. The only thing she didn't like were his long hair. It made him look like... Well, a heavy metal dude that refused to realize to grow up, cut his hair and get a job.
- So, what brings you here?
- Oh, I just... Guessed you were feeling lonely...
- Your TV broke again?
- Yeah...
Her dad put the TV on and the game were just about to start.
- I took the liberty to order som pizza... It should be here any minute...
Bellas dad laughed, and went into the kitchen, to put all the food they just made into lunch boxes. They had made dinner for a whole cavalry, but to refuse Billy Black his pizza, that was worse than wrestling with bears in Charlies eyes.
Bella looked out the window, and this time she were sure, she saw something, well not something, someone in the forest. She dropped a plate.
- Everything alright Bella?
- Um... Yeah dad. Everythings fine. I just... Need to go to the bathroom for a while.
She ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. She had a hard time to breath. She had seen someone, and this someone, was not just anyone. It had been the Cullen boy.
Edward.
Why had he been running around in the woods? Weren't he away hiking with his family? Were they already back? Did they just make up the excuse to skip school?
The questions were running wild in Bellas had, but were interupted by a knocking.
- You okay honey?
- Um, yeah. Just a minute.
She splashed some water in her face, decided she were only imagining things and went out again.
- You okay? What happened.
- Oh, you know... Once a month, girly things. I just felt a bit sick. It will pass, actually, it already had. I just needed some water and to cool off a bit.
- Oh... I see.
This, was the only thing her father would have a problem with, and never ask questions about. Her period. This were still something between girls only.
The heard the doorbell and her father yelled to Jacob to open the door and get it. The smell off pizza filled the house and Bella forgot everything about her classmate running around in the wood, and had a real good evening with the Blacks and her father, even though she didn't like to watch sports. And when she went to bed, she wished more days could be like this.

The un-censoured version of Twilight.

This is what really happened when Bella Swan moved to Forks, Washington.

Part 6

- Bella?

Bella snapped up from her daydreaming. The teacher were looking at her.

- Um... Eeeeh... I'm sorry, I didn't get the question.

The teacher sighed.

- I'm not surprised.

The sun was shining in trough the windows and flooded the classroom with sun. Something very rare in Forks. Bella just couldn't concentrate on American history at the moment. She wanted to go outside, to suck up these last rays of sun before winter.

At lunch, she waited up for Mike and Jessica and their friends Ben and Angela to go to the Cafeteria. She were looking for the Cullen family, but they were not sitting at their table. Where could they be?

After dinner Bella pulled Jessica of to the side.

- Jess, can I ask you something?

- Uh, sure..?

- Where are the Cullens? I mean, all five can't be sick at the same time can they?

- Probably off hiking. They usually do that when it's nice weather. I think it's some sort of family thing they do.

- Oh. Okay.

The day went on and all the kids just longed for school to finish so they could go outside. When the bell finally rang, Bella ran off to her truck to go home. Her dad were already home this time.

- Lovely weather isn't it?

- Yeah, it is!

Bella brought out a blanket, her school books and stretched out on the grass. If it hadn't been for the forest smell, she could almost imagine being back in Phoenix on a spring day. She realized she missed Phoenix, and her mother. But not even close to as much as she thought she were going to.

- Dad, has mum called?

- Eeeh, don't know.

- Okay.

- Give her a call later. I bet she misses you.

- Yeah I will.

About half an hour later Bella had to get in, the sun were on it's way down behind the trees and it started to get cold, but just as she were opening the door, she thought she saw something in the forest.

- Dad? Daaaaaaaad!

- Yeah..?

- Are there any wild animals around here?

- Um, well, yeah, the regular game. Further up the mountains there are some nastier things though. But they never come close to Forks. To much people.

- Okay. I just thought I saw something.

- Probably just a hare.

- Yeah... Probably just a hare.

jag vill bara lägga mig ner och dö en liten bit inombords

Vissa dagar är ju helt uppenbarligen jobbigare än andra.

De jobbigaste?

De dagar man inte vet vad som är fel egentligen. Det går bara inte att sluta gråta, men man vet inte vad det är som gör att man troligtvis skrämmer grannarna till vettet med allt bölande.

Man känner sig så extremt snygg också när man gråter som en tok.

Rinnande rödsvullen näsa, röda ögon, blöt och glansig i ansiktet.

Just nu känns det som att man misslyckas med allt man tar sig för. Och det är väldigt jobbigt att få något gjort över huvudtaget.

Ska se om jag orkar med ett yogapass nu alldeles snart och se om jag kan få de här sista spänningarna att släppa lite.

Men just nu, vill jag bara lägga mig ner och dö en liten bit inombords ett tag.

Mer drömmar...

Sitter och leker med tanken om en helrenovering av lägenheten. Fan va najs egentligen!

Valv mellan köket och arbetsrummet, lantkök i mini format med köksö anpassad för bakning, lister där det ska vara sånna, en skjutdörr till arbetsrummet (eller om man skulle använda det som sovrum igen då)...

Finns så mycket man vill göra! Man skulle nästan ha köpt ett hus nere i Växjö istället, men det kanske hade varit lite onödigt.

Men man kan ju ta en sak åt gången i alla fall.

Idag, eller när jag kommer hem till veckan ska jag börja med att fylla i alla springor i köksgolvet där äckliga saker kan ta sig in (eller ut kanske?!?)

Projekt nummer två blir att försöka måla klart i hallen. Grönt och fint ska det bli. Men sedan också betsa klart lådorna i köket så att man kan måla dem.

Då kom det svåra. Egentligen hade jag redan bestämt en färgskala, men om jag nu vill ha ett lantkök, då får jag nog tänka om litegrann. Ska nog måla om panelen också, i en mörkare färg.

Förut ville jag ha pubkänsla där inne, men nu, nej, nu vill jag ha de mysigt, men mörkt, som vanligt med mig.

Vitt, brunt och svart kanske?

Bör jag då tapetsera om? Nytt kakel? (Jo, det är ett måste, det är sprucket på flera ställen)

Skulle man våga sätta svart kakel, eller ska man gå för blå vitt?

Snälla ge mig förslag!

Har egentligen jättefina tapeter. Kanske ska arbeta utifrån dem. De är rödbrunda med guldiga tulpaner.

Störst beslutsångest är om man ska spara ihop till ett valv dock. Ser riktigt snyggt ut som det gör just nu med tapterna och ljusstakarna som hänger på väggarna.

Argh!

Några av skåpluckorna ryker i alla fall, det är nästan en garanti, det skulle vara så sjukt snyggt med "öppna" hyllor över bänken istället. (sen slipper man ju slå huvudet i dem...)

Det är bara så synd att all "inspiration" man ser idag ser så modernt och stilrent ut, inte alls lantkök, lantkök är robusta och lite "kantnötta", inte en massa metall och plåt och stålfärger.

Men här är "måste" görandet i köket i alla fall:

- Betsa lådor

- Höja bänkar

- Kakla om

- Ny diskbänk

- Måla om

- Täta golvspringor

- Större kylskåp (och med det, en renovering av ett skafferi, då det måste bort, delvis)

Men sen får man va lite realistisk, allt är långtida mål med renoveringarna (även de som är måste-renoveringar), jag vet mycket väl att jag flyttar till Växjö om bara någon månad... Speciellt när jag vet hur mycket pengar som går till möbler där nere! Puh!

Bild:

http://www.orvadet.se/Portals/0/a%20kakel%20utan%20fog%20b%C3%A4nk.jpg

The un-censoured version of Twilight.

This is what really happened when Bella Swan moved to Forks, Washington.

Part 5

Bella felt like she couldn't breath.

- Bella? You okay?

Bella realized she was sweating and panting. He now stood a few feet away from her.

- Um, yeah. It... Um, just got a bit ho... warm.

He raised his eyebrow a bit.

- So, you'd say it's prophase?

- Huh?

- The onion?

- Oh, um, yeah.

Edward took a pen and wrote down their answer, and then came standing close to Bella again.

- Do you have to be so close? Have you never heard of social space? she whispered to him.

- They want this to be a group work, we will at least have to look like we are working as a group.

Bella couldn't argue with that.

They continued their work and handed it in first of all groups.
- That's good the teacher said. Now sit in your seats till the rest of the class is finished...

Bella and Edwards turned around the go back.

- Oh, and if you get bored, there is a hundred pages as homework for tomorrow. If you start now...

The rest of the class sighed and started to complain, and Edward and Bella went to their seats.

- If I hear anymore complaints, you will have two hundred pages in homework instead.

The class went silent. Apparently, this was a teacher who could actually do such a thing. Bella brought her book up, and she saw Edwards were already open at the pages. He looked like he were reading but Bella saw he were glancing out the window instead. When the clock rang and Edward were on his way out Bella ran and caught up with him.

- Hey!

He peered at her and continued to walk.

- Hey wait up.

He stopped and turned slowly.

- What is it?

- Why did you run away. Are you scared of me?
A roar of laughter came from his throat and Bella almost thought he were dying, or possibly a maniac.

- What's so fun?

It were one of the girls whom Edward used to hang with in the cafeteria.

- Oh nothing. Not really. Bella here just thought... Well, that I ran off because I were afraid of her.

The tiny girl also started to laugh uncontrollably and Bella got real scared there were something wrong with them. After what seemed like an eternity, she stopped.

- It were nice meeting you Bella, I'm Alice.

She held her hand and Bella shock it. She were just as cold as Edward had been.

- Hi Alice.

- Well, did you want something especial?

Edward looked at her, she noticed his eyes. They were dark brown, almost with red in it.

-Uuuh, oh, right. Um... Well, I were just going to ask... Oh forget it.

- Oookay..?

- Well, come on the Ed, we have to go. Carlisle and Esme is waiting for us. Time to hike!

Bella saw them walk of, meeting up with the other three from the cafeteria and slowly walk of and out the building.

- Hey wait! You can't leave now! School isn't...

She realized she were yelling, and that people were staring. She quickly ran of to the building where she has her math course.

When school were over, she quickly ran off to her car, without saying good-bye to Jessica and Mike, and drove home as fast as she could. Her father were not at home.

- Oh crap. When I do want to talk to him, he is nowhere to be found.

She put her bag on the table and realized she were starving. She hadn't managed to get anything else than an apple down for lunch today. She found some chicken in the freezer and some tortillas in the cupboards. She made chicken enchiladas and were done with the last ones when her dad went in the door.

- Oh, so now she's cooking?

- I were hungry.

He hung his weapon and hat up and went in to the kitchen.

- Smells lovely he said. Maybe... You know... Maybe you could teach me how to make these.

He turned and reached for the freezer

- Dad... I made enough for you too you know.

He looked at her, and smiled, and Bella realized, maybe it wasn't going to be such a drag living here anyway.

- Dad?

- Yeah?

He brought a plate and started to load it up with food.

- Can you tell me about the Cullens?

- Um sure... What do you want to know?

- Who are they?

- Well, um... Carlisle is the head surgeon at the hospital, outstanding. I think his wife is a decorator, but I'm not sure. All I know is that she likes that kind of stuff. They have, how many are there, four...?

- Five?

- Oh, yeah, five children, two of them adopted.

- I'm in the same class as Edward in biology.

- Oh, that's nice. He is a very polite young man.

- So they are all related..?

- Yep, well, as I said, two of them are adopted. I think that that big fella, Edward and the small girl are Cullen's children and that the other two are a pair of siblings they took in. I'm not sure. I haven't asked, and this is just town talk.

- Okay, thanks dad.

He looked at her and put his food down.

- You know Bella, this is actually real nice.

She started at him for a while, and realized he were actually right.

- Yeah dad. It is. Can I be excused now? I have plenty of homework to do.

- Sure Bells.

She put her plate in the sink and took her bag with her up to her room. She sat down at the desk ,still with the same scratches as she had made in it as a child, and started with her English assignment.

She totally lost track of time, when her dad yelled from downstairs he were going to bed now and that the bathroom were now all hers.

- Thanks dad!

She quickly brushed her teeth and made herself ready for bed, and she fell asleep almost immediately, not noticing the black shadow quickly floating by her window.

Bilder

Var ute och gick en sväng igår och passade på att ta lite bilder, då på Jonatan, då jag har extremt få bilder på honom (speciellt i jämförelse med vad han har på mej!).

Bilderna kommer här och är det enda jag ska ha i det här inlägget!

P.s fick i helgen höra att han är väldigt lik killen som spelar Arn i filmerna, har själv inte sett dem, men vad tycker ni?

The un-censoured version of Twilight.

This is what really happened when Bella Swan moved to Forks, Washington.

Part 4

The next day Bella woke up, feeling better than ever. Her first day of school had gone extremely well, and she were ready for what the new rain had to give. She opened her curtains and realized it was... Rain.

Again.

- Oh crap!

She dressed herself and went down to the kitchen. Her dad made a fat fry-up, she could smell the bacon all the way up the stairs.

- Hey Bells. Want some?
He showed her the pan with the almost burnt bacon, the egg, and the fatty sausages, and Bella almost threw up.

- Er, no thanks. I do with cereals.

- You really should eat something.

- Well... I am aren't I? I'm eating cereals!

- Oh, for Christ sake Bells! You know what I mean!
- Yeah, yeah. I need to eat, I'm so skinny, blah, blah, blah... Well, I'll eat later. Now, I want cereal!

He father sighed.

- And by the way dad. If you want to, I can...

- Make my my breakfast?

She realized he knew exactly how poor he was at cooking, and laughed.

- No dad, but I can teach you how, to cook it.

- Sounds good.

Bella put the cereal bowl in the sink and put on her coat and went out. Today the rain was more normal. It didn't creep in all the way under her coat, it stayed pouring down. She ran to her car and jumped in, and the engine started with a roar, and she was off to school.

When she came there, she saw Jessica first thing.

- Hey Bella.

- Hey Jess.

They walked into the school in silence.

- So, did you catch the film on TV last night?

- Erm...

Bella didn't know what to say. She had been up reading all evening, and she didn't know if that was accepted among the "cool" people here.

- Well, it was awesome! I mean that boy he was just...

- Problem solved, Bella thought. Jessica was good enough talking for all of them most of the time.

- Hey you!

Mike came up and put his arms around both of them. Jessica shone up and cuddled up with him, while Bella tried to get loose.

- Hey Mike!

- How's you Bella?

- Fine, just tired of the weather.

- Mike, did you catch the movie last night.

- Yeah. Did you Bella?

- Erm, no. I was doing other things. You know. My dad, we haven't spent much time together and you know... He wants us to get to know each other.

- Oh, tough luck.

- Eh, wasn't to bad I guess. So, what's our first class today.

- Your lucky day Bella! Biology.

Bella froze for a second.

- Oh. I forgot.

They walked over to the science labs and found their classroom. The Cullen boy were already in his seat when the three of them walked in.

- Hi Edward, Bella said and had a seat.

- Hi.

The teacher walked in and in his arms he had a big pile of onions.

- Well, class. Today we are going to see the different stages of mitosis. Grab ONE microscope from the cupboard behind you for each table. This is a GROUP work, and you will not only be graded at your answers, but at your ability to work together.

Bella swallowed.

- Should I go get one? he asked her.

- Huh?! What?

- Microscope..?

- Oh, yeah. Please do.

She watched his floating movements and couldn't help but be amazed. It was some sort of a sexual ring to it, but she didn't know how, and why, and what. Still it scared her, and a cold shiver went down her spine. She was amazed, still terrified of him. This time she was so relieved she had already done this, as she had troubles concentrating at the task in hand.

Bella were so into one of the slides she didn't realized he were not in his seat anymore. Still looking into the microscope she started to speak.

- So, which you think this is?

- I think it looks like the prophase.

He were standing behind her, just an inch from her face and she could smell his sweet breath, and feeling it on her neck.

The un-censoured version of Twilight.

This is what really happened when Bella Swan moved to Forks, Washington.

Part 3

They sat together, the five of them, no one else. They all looked the same, with the same sexual drawn to them. They were not particularly handsome, just, more handsome than anyone Bella had ever seen.

Ever!

They looked better than all the guys in Phoenix.

They weren't eating. They just sat there looking cool and seemed like they didn't notice anyone else were in the cafeteria. They barely spoke to each other either. They just sat there, doing nothing, and Bella was so amazed. All the cool ones in Phoenix had always been loud, this was just so amazing.

- Who are they.

She nodded her head towards their table.

- The Cullens, said Jessica.

- The Filthy Cullens, said Mike at the same time.

- Their dad is like, the chief surgeon at the hospital here or something, or the boss, I wasn't listening when someone explained really.

Bella took a bite of her apple, unable to look away from the Cullen's till the bell rang and lunch was over.

- What class you got now?

- Eh, let me check... Eh, Biology.

- Cool! Then come with us!

The three of them took their trays and started to walk out of the cafeteria, at the same time the Cullens also went. Bella had never seen people move like that, it was as if they were floating, not walking. She had never seen such grace, not even among the cheerleaders back home.

- Wow, she said under her breath.

Bella stopped at the door to the classroom, everyone had their lab partner and she saw which one chair was free. It was the one next to one of the Cullens.

- Yes? Can I help you?

The teacher looked at her.

- Oh... Hey, I'm new. I'm Isabella. Here's my papers.

- Okay miss... Swan, take a seat. I think it is one free at Edwards table.

- Edward, Bella thought.

She loved the name. It sounded like it came from one of her favorite books, she could picture Jane Austen or Emily Brönte imagine a guy with the name Edward to their books, maybe someone they knew in reality and liked even.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- My names Bella.

- Edward.

She gave him her hand to shake it. He looked at her for a moment, then he shock it. His hands were ice cold.

- Oh! You're cold! Bad circulation?
He smirked.

- You could say that.

Bella sat down. Once again she had already done this part in Phoenix, she was wondering whether she maybe could get her mother to send her, her old essays. No, her mother would tell her it would be cheating. She peeked at her table neighbor and she realized he was just as bored as her, looking out the window.

- Sigh, does this mean I will be the one doing all out work? she thought. Is he an "all-looks-no-brain"-kind of guy? Just my luck.

The bell rang and, she saw Edward floating away, just as he had done in the cafeteria.

- Lucky you! she heard Jessica yell behind her.

- Why?

- You got the seat next to one of the hottest guys at school?!
- Oh, you meant it like that.

- Uh, yeah!

The rest of the day went on like it had in the morning, and when the last class were over, Bella couldn't wait to get home. She put her rain coat on.

- Nice coat.

A girl she didn't know bumped into her and laughed.

- Don't bother said Jessica. She always thinks she is the cool one, she has no friends and is a bullie just because she's... Well... Bigger than the rest of the girls, but as soon as she sees you're hanging with us, she'll leave you alone.... And there is nothing wrong with your coat. It's gorgeous. We just don't have that kind of stores in Forks.

- I noticed.

They went out to their cars and Bella walked over to her truck.

- Nice ride! Mike said.

- Yeah, yeah... Just mock me, she replied.

- No, I mean it. It looks awesome. I have to drive my parents car, not really a chick magnet so to say. Or, well... Except for soccer mum's I presume...

Bella laughed and jumped in her car and drove home.

The un-censoured version of Twilight.

This is what really happened when Bella Swan moved to Forks, Washington.

Part 2

The office were painted in different green shades and it made Bella nauseous.

- Can I help you?

- Eeeh... My name is Be.. Isabella Swan. I'm new.

- Oh! You're the chiefs daughter? Well, one can see how his good looks has shone trough.

She gave Bella a wink she did not want to understand.

- Please fill these in and here is your timetable. I will fill in a hall pass for you.

Bella quickly filled in the papers. The less she had to spend time in this office, the happier she was. When getting all the papers needed she took her map of the school and headed out to her first class... P.E.

- Sigh, and I didn't bring my gym clothes.

Back into the corridor she saw that all the rain coats hanging there were either green or black.

- Oh joy. I will really fit in here.

She hurried along to the gym, where she handed her teacher the note and explained that she had no gym clothes on and he ordered her to go sit on the stand. Bella was wondering how many of these she was going to become class mates with.

When the bell rang for their next lesson, Bella sloped in among the last ones. Her teacher signed her papers and told her to go sit next to a blonde girl.

- Hey! I'm Jessica.

- Hey. I'm Bella.

- Welcome to Forks Bella!

The lesson droned on and Bella was happy she had already had this lecture back in Phoenix. Old English literature were one of Bella's favorite subjects as she loved to dream about living in the 1800's, but she had gone stuck with the most boring teacher she had ever had in her whole life.

When the bell rang it was time for lunch.

- Hey Jessica, can I go with you. I'm not really sure where the cafeteria is.

- Sure. We'll just go pick up Mike first.

They strode along the corridor and sat waiting outside a door.

- Mr Langdon always makes people go over the time. But we really don't mind, he's the best teacher at the school.

Bella just nodded. She couldn't understand. She didn't feel as uncomfortable as she was imagine she would.

- Soooo.... Where did you move from?

- Phoenix.

Jessica's eye became twice as big.

- Really. So... Why did you move... Here then?

- My dad lives here. Chief Swan.

- Oh!

- Yep. So, what do people do around here for fun?

- Well... Not much really. We usually go down to Port Angeles, or maybe Seattle, in Forks there is absolutely nothing to do.

- Bugger.

- Yeah.

The two girls sat quiet for a bit before the door opened and a group of people came out. Jessicas face shone up.

- Hey Mike! Come over here and met Bella. She's new. And I think she would do great in our group.

- Group? What group?

Bella looked terrified, and that was till she saw Mike and realized the "group" had to be the cool kids at this school.

- Well. If we put it simply. You will not be a part of the geeks. But...

Jessica didn't finish the sentence.

- Oh... That's a relief.

The three of them walked over to the cafeteria and grabbed their sandwiches and apples for lunch. When sitting down she saw something that made realize why Jessica had not finished her sentence.

Hanging with Jessica and her friends would not make her the nerd, but no matter how cool they were, they would never come in the same league as them.

The un-censoured version of Twilight.

This is what really happened when Bella Swan moved to Forks, Washington.

Part 1

Bella sat waiting for her dad at the airport. He was clocking on more than two hours late and Bella was thinking of taking the bus instead. Then she saw the police car trough the glass double doors.

- Finally, she said to her self.

- Oh my god! I'm so sorry Bells! I totally forgot that you we're coming today.

- It's okay dad.

Secretly Bella knew he didn't want her to come. That would ruin all his chances of ever finding a new girlfriend, because who wanted a man whit a teenage daughter on his hands?

Bella put her bag in the trunk and jumped into the passenger seat of the police car and they drove off.

- Oh, by the way Bells, I found you a car.

- A... car? Like... a... MOTORcar?

-Yeah?

- Cool!

Bella looked out the window.

- That's great she thought. Now you don't have to drive me whenever I want to go anywhere, but on the other hand. I don't have to have you moping around either. Great deal. I just hope... Na, he couldn't?

Bella got more and more nervous as they came closer and closer to her fathers house. On the drive way stood the ugliest car Bella had ever seen in her whole life!

- Daaad! That's horrible! You seriously think I will drive around in that? Everyone in Phoenix...

- Shush Bells! I couldn't afford anything else for you.

Bella, still grumpy, took her bags and went into the house and up to her room. He room were very spartan, it was not like her dad had been buying her new stuff for her arrival.

- Sorry 'bout that Bells. We'll fix that this weekend.

Bella sighed and layed down on the bed. She flipped up a book an started to read, listening to the never-ending rain on the roof. She was wondering how she was going to survive up here, but having to live with her mother hand her new boyfriend was just too much. She was wondering how school was going to be, if she was going to make any friends, if she was going to still be the popular girl.

She made a quick unpacking of her stuff and went down to order some pizza.

- Dad, I'm going to order pizza! You want?

- Your mother said you cooked?

- Yeah... Sometimes... When I'm in the mood. Usually cereals, I'm a reacl champ at that.

- Pepperoni please.

When the pizza came, Bella took hers and went up to her bedroom again, he father not insisting on her staying downstairs. She not even wanting to spend the evening with him.

She once again layed down on the bed, reading, and spilling tomato sauce in her books, looking out at her hideous car once in a while.

The next morning Bella took a long shower before making herself ready to go to school. She put on her warmest clothes and a rain coat she had bought just for this occasion. It was many different shades of red and pink and she totally adored it.

She sat in her car and hesitated whether she should walk all the way to school instead, but realizing the damp weather would make he damp even under her coat made her change her mind. The car started with a roar, and Bella had turned red out of shame, even before she was off the driveway.

She drove off to school, and tried to park the car as far from everyone else's as she could, walking with her head down into the school front desk.

Vampire Knight

Well, back to the vampires again.

Some year back, I saw the incredibly great anime series, Vampire Knights (no, I have not read the manga yet, and I only have book no 1 anyway, but I will buy them soon I guess, as soon as I have enough money).

Might be some spoiler alert, so tread carefully!

Vampire Knight

Yuki, the shy girl who becomes in some ways entangled with some of the "night students" at her school.

It's hard to know whether it is in a all romantic way, but it sure has the tones of a romantic story. But that's not hard to guess as the manga is a Shojo manga, which means it's written for girls at the age of 12,13,14-ish.

We will find out, Yuki's first memory, is being attacked by a vampire, and her job at the school (which is run by her father) is to make sure the day classes does not discover the secrets of the night students, this she does together with her childhood friend Zero, whom also becomes a vampire and Yuki battles to make him keep sane and not become what they classify as Level E vampires (the savage ones).

What makes the story even more tangled up, is the fact that Zero's family, was killed by vampires.

What we also get to know during the story is that Kaien Cross, is not really Yuki's father, and that Yuki has her own heritage that she carries, deep within her self.

Recommend?

Oh, yes. Even if it's silly, romatic yucky and ucky, I do recommend the anime. But, it's not for those who do not like really romantic stuff.

It's rather like many other Shojo manga, and it's rather similar to many vampire stories looks like, but it is a nice break from all those new vampire stories that looks the same like Twilight and True Blood/Sookie Stackhouse novels.

Hotcakes ála Jillian Michaels

Everyone know Jillian Michaels from Biggest Loser ey?

The supertiny woman who is tha nastiest PT one can ever have?

Well, in her book "Making the cut" I found this lovely recipe on hotcakes (it's almost like American Pancakes)

The contain eggs, cottage cheese and flour.

So incredibly simple!

Jillians Hotcakes (my way)

3 eggs

2 dl cottage cheese (as I like it, I put in more that it should)

½ dl of flour (that's what I used and it worked well)

Separate yolks from whites and beat them in different bowls.

Mix the cottage cheese with the yolks and the flour and fry in a hot pan (about 2-5 min on each side).

Serve with jam or maple suryp.

Drömma?

Everyone has a dream.

No one has the same dream.

The day we start saying "I'll do this tomorrow" is the day we give up.

Always start today!

Okay, jag har tjatat endel om hur min drömkropp inte ser ut nu på sistone, så jag tänkte att, nu kanske man ska definiera hur den faktiskt ser ut.

Min definition av ordet drömkropp: En praktisk kropp som fungerar för det man gör och samtidigtlooks fierce för att citera Trya Banks.

Det känns fånigt att exempelvis banta ner sig till nästan ingenting när man har ett fysiskt arbete som kräver muskler, men det är ju också lite dumt att äta mer än man behöver/gör av med under en dag. Bägge är ganska ohälsosamt på sitt sätt.

(måste ju säga att när man sitter och letar upp bilder på fighter tjejer, så kommer det upp så extremt mycket skräpbilder på tjejer som inte är fighter tjejer utan groupies eller "underhållning".)

och samtidigtlooks fierce för att citera Trya Banks.

Det känns fånigt att exempelvis banta ner sig till nästan ingenting när man har ett fysiskt arbete som kräver muskler, men det är ju också lite dumt att äta mer än man behöver/gör av med under en dag. Bägge är ganska ohälsosamt på sitt sätt.

(måste ju säga att när man sitter och letar upp bilder på fighter tjejer, så kommer det upp så extremt mycket skräpbilder på tjejer som inte är fighter tjejer utan groupies eller "underhållning".)

Så, undrar hur mycket som är gener och hur mycket som är ren 100%-ig träning för att få en kropp som Gina Carano (MMA fighter, modell, skådespelerska), eller , om man vill gå lite längre med sitt uppdrag att se "beff" ut, som Cristiane Santos (som syns tillsammans med Gina Carano på bilden högst upp).

Att försöka få magrutor på det sätter känns dock inte aktuellt för mig, jag har ingen lust att gå ner på en så låg fettprocent att de syns. Caranos syns ju inte på samma sätt som Santos.

Men till frågan, hur mycket kaliträning behövs det för att se ut sådär nu då?

Kanske bara bra att börja med något annat när man flyttar till Växjö där Krav Maga och Brazilian Ju-jutsu kommer att stå på schemat.

Lägger väll av med aikidon, men små gästframträdanden för att inte förlora all fallteknik ändå.

Men nu har ni en bild av vad min drömkropp är.

Realistiskt eller orealistiskt, så länge jag försöker ta mig dit har jag faktiskt inte misslyckats, jag har bara lite kvar.

Bilder:

http://stupidcelebrities.net/wp-content/gina-carano.jpg

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_RqkZ-g3TwUoA/TOp2Dq6s63I/AAAAAAAAGhQ/oAUM5F_JSVg/s1600/gina1.jpg

http://www.theglowingedge.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/Carano-Cyborg-Weigh-In.jpg

Genius?

One thing I've been wondering about is fashion designers.

They are seen as geniuses in the area of fashion, but...

How genius are you when you only know how to make clothes to really thin people? I mean, many models has no boobs, no hips, no thighs and no butt...

I mean come on, many of you fashion designers are old too! How can you sit there and say that girls have to be so skinny they look like little girls?

Wouldn't you actually be a genius if you knew how to make dresses that fit normal people who have shapes?

One popular reason for using skinny girls is that they say "oh they are just racks that walk".

Well, wouldn't it be easier to build a rack-thingy that showed of the clothes instead?

And seriously, who wants to buy you clothes? I mean, we can't get a proper look on how they actually look on as most women have hips, boobs, thighs, butts...

Not banning models with way too low BMI, that is just way to frightening! Vi have tons of rules for taxi drivers, warehouse workers, doctors, nurses, so that they won't be sick, ill, so there will be no mistakes done, etcetera.

So, people being unhealthy underweight because they get pushed to lose weight or they won't hire you is okay?

The risks of getting anorexia and die is not hazardous? And the atmosphere in the modeling world does not make it better, which we can see in different seasons of Top model, where people will be sacked if they are food poisioned? Shame on you Tyra! Usually, I like you, I just hope this was sort of a first season, "haven't-fully-grown-up-to-be-a-sensible-woman-yet" moment, because there is a difference between being passionate for work, and stupid.

Health should ALWAYS be a priority, no matter which job you have, and please, models, you have to understand, you can't be a model for ever, so try and finish some sort of education so you can study more, or have a degree when you are finished!

Of course, some people are real thin, and can make nothing to put weight on, no matter how much they try, and that is not the problem, the problem is that fantasy that everyone has to look like that, and that there is this perfect measurement that everyone should strive for...

Everyone has their own perfect measurements, but I thought they were calculated after height, or do we (the majority of the world) have to start eating growing hormones so that we become tall?¨

There is no shame to be thin/slim/fit, but everyone is different, and has a different view on this. And we all look different. There isn't a problem that a girl at 150 cm is a size 0, but she is very short, and would maybe be overweight if she was bigger.

An example:

A girl, reaching 155 cm, and a girl reaching 175 cm.

Healthy BMI for shorter girl is when she's between 45-58 kilos.

Healthy BMI for taller girl is when she's between 58-75 kilos.

If they were the same weight, it would almost be hazardous for them, just in two very different ways.

Na, fashions designers aren't that brilliant really.

You can decide yourself, of the pictures above, which girl is the most beautiful, healthy looking one?

You can choose, I won't judge you.

Top one, I have no idea who she/they is/are, bottom picture is Whitney, cycle 12 winner of Americas next top model (first plus size to win I think? ... Do she even look "plus size"?)

Pictures:

http://images.china.cn/attachement/jpg/site1007/20080430/001372a9ae270982a02c34.jpg

http://trixieeklof.blogg.se/images/2008/whitney_16816230.jpg

Vare sig det ena eller det andra

Det är liksom som att ha två människor inom sig.

Eller tre kanske till och med.

Först är det jag, mej. Tycker om livet, tycker om saker, tycker om film, tycker om det jag gör, tycker om att pyssla, träna, leka, läsa, skriva... Tja, tycker om att finnas och vara och ha kul helt enkelt. Funkar inte allt, så är det inte ett problem, man kan lösa det sen.

Sen finns det monster nummer 1.

Okontrollerat, helt och hållet okontrollerat. Allt, och jag menar verkligen allt! Aldrig lämna, aldrig inte äta upp.

Inte bara mat, allting. Det är svårt att sluta med någonting.

Sen kommer den västa fram, monster nummer 2.

Kontroll, istället för ingen kontroll. Ska veta, och vet, allt. Hur länge ska man träna för att göra av med så mycket?

Man har inte en normal syn på sig själv riktigt.

Portionsbestämt - Ät upp - Ångest

Inte äta alls - Ångest

Aldrig kan man vara helt och hållet riktigt nöjd.

Det svåraste är, egentligen att det är två helt olika delar, man vet inte riktigt vad man ska göra. Det är vare sig det ena eller det andra, och därför vet jag verkligen inte vad jag ska göra åt det...

Vintern gör det inte bättre.

Det värsta just nu är ändå, att jag inte vet vem man ska prata med. Det känns så jobbigt att berätta alla detaljer.

Allt som står här, det är bara ytan. Bara ett sammandrag. Det är så mycket mer.

Queen of The Damned (the film)

I just realized that I have not written anything here on one of my favorite films ever. I know I analyzed it in the course Film Form last year, but I don't think I have written a review on it here.

So, I better do!

Queen of the Damned

Plot

Based on the book by Anne Rice, we see Lestat, having been dorment for many years, waking up in a new, modern era. He decides the best way to lure the vampires from their hiding, exposing them, to make the vampires the leading race, is to become the singer of a rock band, and in the lyrics reveal all the secrets of the vampires. Not all vampires are to keen on it though, but one girl at an agency that looks for vampire's becomes very excited, as Lestat is the one vampire she has been looking for.

Opinion

I still haven't read the book, so I don't know whether it follows the book or not. But the film in it self is a master piece. It's rather predictable though as soon as Jesse comes into the picture, you know what will happen with the love story. On the other hand, I did not believe that Lestat would come as far as he did with his exposing strategy, and he did execute it very well, and in ways I would never guess. As in Interview with a Vampire, Lestat shows us some hidden talent, that he does not want to share, he knows lots of stuff, be he do not want to tell... Exactly the same from IwaV, where he never tells Louis the whole story, and that might be the reason they fall out all the time.

It becomes a bit boring though with all the long, I mean really long, flashbacks, if they were shorter, it would be more interesting to watch, as, yeah we get it music had some significance in Lestats life, but instead of doing one very long flashback, I think it would have been better with a few shorter ones.

But at a whole, this really is one of my favourite films, and no matter, I will always prefer Stuart Townsend as Lestat rather than Tom Cruise.

Picture found at:

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg50TXILXRpZZba59u9WN6f45sBhcf5ukXYh5lXPKwGpmErO0ASb1aDDT-lpP-j7PdAz3K6bSgfTssKljylg9Nj5k1e5Gr232mpJs6Pw58qH5jhGLQB-1c36VKKwzJNE0z5FE-JTLWCvE/s1600/QUEEN+of+the+DAMNED+01.jpg

Martial arts

Well, this might not really be one of my favorite subjects write about actually... I prefer sweating it out on the tatami instead, but I do feel opinionated about it, and if you don't agree with me, then that's fine, we can at least agree that we disagree.

But, I'm still so annoyed on how people can not get along. I mean, I've heard high graded people in some martial arts spatter other martial arts because they do not think it is "the optimal" one. But think of this...

A karate participant... Do a wrist lock on him, and he migh feel like he's dying. Whilst if a Brazilian Ju-Jutsu guy/girl went onto the ground with an aikidoka, the aikidoka would be screwed as he does not know anything about fighting like that, or kicks.

None of the martial arts, not budo, not FMA, not MMA... NOTHING is optimal, you can not fight anyone or anything with just one martial art.

Different martial arts give different possibilities, abilities and opportunities. The more you train, the more you UNDERSTAND of different martial arts the BETTER fighter you become, the better you become at self defense.

It is never wrong to try out more martial arts than one, so that you can understand the concept of it...

It is always wrong to give it one try and say it's not optimal!

Some martial arts compete, some do not, stop saying either is better... If you can stand losing, if you want to be the best at something... Maybe aikido is not the best for you... If you do not like to compete, then maybe you should try judo, BJJ or MMA where these opportunities exist, but no one should say anything about either of it. Competing is not always bad, but it's not always the best way to go either, but that's very personal if you can handle the stress or not.

Martial arts are here to benefit us, not slandering, name calling, spattering... Instead of putting that energy on arguing which martial art is the best, go train, become great at what you do!

So, even if you do not agree with me on this, please at least show respect for your fellow martial artists no matter which martial art they do.

Dear Mr. President

Listening tp P!nk's "Dear Mr. President".

Aimed at the former president of the United States , George Bush, but still I feel like it could be aimed at our dear Prime minister Fredrik Reinfeldt too.

He might not be as conservative as Bush was, and I won't blame him for all the things that P!nk blames Bush for, but there is still so much in the song that I would like to ask our government.

I still don't understand how countries that claim to be developed, westernized and that claims to be equal can be so poor at everything.

There is no friggin' equality in this country. The rich are rich, and can become preferably even richer, whilst the poor will always be poor and becomes even poorer.

People can earn lots of money on blogs, provoking people (of course some do other things too, but...), I have seen blogs that provoke young children to diet as "fatties" (come on, size 40 is not fat...) are not nice... Whilst some gives more than a 100% and still never "becomes" anything, or get even close to paid the same amount and the same social status and are therefor frowned upon. HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?

Do we actually even care for the people in Sweden?

Everyone, whether they are born here or not, should have the same opportunity to be what they want to be!

But, if we do... We have to borrow the money, and the only changes.. We can borrow more money... Still we NEED to have a degree, otherwise we can't get a job... But we still have to had at least 10 years of experience working to get a job, and preferably be around 25, not wanting children and always work overtime... Do the math and see... Is this possible? Is this healthy?

No.

This might not be the situation for everyone, but it is for many, and a change is needed, soon...

Soon we will end up like... I don't know... This is just not going in the right direction...

Tisdag = Nooooo!

Borde egentligen gå att lägga mig, men är inte riktigt jättetrött än...

Är bara så jävla less... Folk verkar inte att bry sig om det jag gör, vad som är mitt och att mitt liv också räknas. Det är sådana här dagar som jag ångrar vissa beslut och längtar mer till Linköping än nånsin, nu vill jag att tiden ska gå jättefort så att 7 maj kan komma snarast!

Jag vill verkligen inte bo kvar här längre.

Nog för att jag har slitit mitt hår (igen!) för att komma på ett bra sätt att organisera mina saker i den nya pyttelilla lägenheten (hälften så stor som min är nu). Inte lätt, men efter många om och men, så har jag kommit upp med en plan, dock sitter jag i valet och kvalet om jag ska köpa ett smalt bord eller ett vitrinskåp. Det skulle vara lite annorlunda om jag hade mitt vanliga vardagliga porslin i ett sånt snygging skåp! Med tanke på hur lite plats det är i skåpväg (över huvudtaget i köksväg) så skulle det inte sitta helt fel med ett sånt faktiskt. Jag får helt enkelt fundera på om det är värt det med ny saker för 4000 eller 3500.

Nu kanske jag i och för sig kan vänta med bokhyllan och bygga filmer och böcker på golvet ett tag, har ju ändå inte den tiden att läsa och se på film som jag vill ha (då går ju faktiskt möblerna bara på 2652 så det kanske det är värt det, ska ringa min mamma för att höra om hon kan betala det och sen se om Jonatan kan köpa med sig det när han åker till IKEA nästa gång, det var lite större än byrån han skulle köpa med, så det får han avgöra, annars hoppas jag den finns kvar i vår... Den va faktiskt skitbillig för att vara såååå snygg!). Och jag får ju med en hylla för de böcker jag läser mest i vilket fall (= min kurslitteratur). Men alla eventuella dubletter och så vidare av allt kommer jag att skeppa hem till mina föräldrar tillsammans med eventuella kläder som jag behöver.

Fast något som är skönt i all misär som verkar vara (är tydligen inne i en gråtperiod nu, har typ gråtit varje dag, och det ger mig huvudvärk, igår, flera gånger), just nu är att min uppsats i alla fall är inlämnad, dock känns det som att den blev riktigt värdelös, men får jag den tillbaka är det ju förhoppningsvis med kommentarer om hur jag bör förändra den (troligtvis bör jag strukturera om den radikalt, men hade inte tid och ork riktigt att korr läsa den alldeles för noga, elle inte alls faktiskt).

Och imorgon är det hemska tisdag igen. Jag avskyr tisdagar lika mycket som Garfield avskyr måndagar! Jag får verkligen INGET gjort i form av skolarbete. Städa funkar, gymmet, träning, laga mat och baka... men skolarbete är ett big no-no, av någon anledning, och jag vet inte riktigt varför, sen är inte riktigt tisdagar mina turdagar, är det dagar som går åt helvete (som för 2 veckor sedan), jag då är det troligtivs en tisdag!

Men nu får jag nog gå och lägga mej i alla fall faktiskt. Försöka sova...

Good Omens - Gaiman/Pratchett

I was just going to put a suggestion in here for a book, that I haven't read in ages, but that is so incredibly amazing!

The books is written by Neil Gaiman (the dark and gloomy world view) and Terry Pratchett (writing very fun books), and at first, I was thinking that the combo was, for sure odd, but a bit intriguing. I was amazed how very well executed the books was!

For anyone who has seen the film Dogma (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120655/) from 1999 with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, you will sort of get the idea with the book. They are not extremely similar, but, some bits are.

Plot

Aziraphael and Crowley... An angel, and a demon, a part of the Great Plan. Both have their own mission and this unlikely friendship which has became trough thousands of years of spending time together, has made them look out for their others, not ruining to much for each other.

Anti- Christ is born.

(that's mostly Crowley's fault)

Armageddon is coming.

Soon...

As soon as next saturday.

The Four Bikers of the Apocalypse are on their way and Aziraphael and Crowley tries to solve the problem, as they have became fond of living on earth. So the idea is to kill Anti-Christ, it's just... He seams to have been misplaced!

Opinion

What's interesting is that, to understand this book, you have to assume that, all Christian beliefs and values are true. If you do not set your mind to that stage, you will most probably think the books is silly and weird and hard to understand.

The books is rather "jumpy", just because a chapter ends in a way, does not mean the next start even closely similar! At the same time the book is thick, but it is so worth it to read trough it, and (just as with the Watchmen comic) the more times you read it, the more you get, the more jokes gets funny and so on.

The story is hilarious, and, you can really see (well, read) that Pratchett have been a part of it, but it seams like Mr Gaiman has once again managed to do a book based on religion (other books with the same theme from him is for example American Gods, Anansi Boys and Odd and The Frost Giants http://aiki-samurailady.blogspot.com/2011/02/bit-inspired.html)

Seriously, if you haven't read it... Do it! It's sooooo worth the time and effort if you like fantasy!

Coincidence?

Newcastle 4- 4 Arsenal

Fair and square?

Not a chance!

I wonder how much money Alan Pardew put into Phil Dowd(y)'s pocket at half time?

This is not the first time Arsenal is playing magnificent football, to come out after half time and everything changes.

3 games this year when this has happened or when Arsenal playing extremely well but still, somehow, the results have not gone their way.

The three games this season, has these few things in common, Arsenal playing very well, and... Phil Dowd(y).

Arsenal 2 - 3 Tottenham

Leeds 1 - 1 Arsenal

Newcastle 4 - 4 Arsenal

And yeah, I might be an Arsenal fan, but they did not play that poorly in either of the games.

Let's take the Newcastle game yesterday for example...

Arsenal make 4 goals in less than 30 mins and keeps the pressure on Newcastle for the rest of the half.

They came on out again after half time and...

BOOM! Diaby, red card. Provoced by a known hotheaded Newcastle player. Of course he kept his head cold this time, as he knew what he said was provoking enough that Diaby would react, so all he had to do was look innocent. *Swearing! Dirty words! Name calling!*

BOOM! Penalty for Newcastle!

BOOM! Yellow card for the Arsenal keeper; and this is a big WTF? it was the Newcastle player trying a headlock on the Arsenal keeper, not the opposite and the referee standing just a few yards away!

BOOM! New penalty, Newcastle players falling over like nothing...

And there we go. Newcastle goes from an enormous amount of offsides, to practically none in the second half.

I for at least do not think this is just a coincident

Who makes all this decisions? Well, of course, our man of the evening... Phil Dowd(y)

Sliter mitt hår!

Argh!

Sitter och krånglar med första uppgiften på uppsatsen som ska in till skolan imorgon!

Grejen är att jag ska vara källkritisk mot en berättelse ned skriven av ett arabiskt sändebud som heter Ibn Fadlan och hans möte med ryska vikingar på 920-talet.

Nu har jag varit källkritisk emot den i flera dagar men fortfarande inte fått ihop mer än 400 ord av ett 750 ord minimum, och jag har verkligen ingen som helst aning om vad mer jag ska skriva. Vi har läst Steinslands bok Fornnordisk Religion, men inte känner jag mig något klokare för det.

Det känns som att det är svårt att vara källkritisk mot något som man egentligen vet så lite om, låter som det ska vara lätt, men man kan ju inte komma med konkreta exempel.

Inte för att det blir lättare sen, könsperspektiv på den poetiska eddan låter inte helt och hållet som något jag vill spendera en söndag och hela måndagen med. Men å ena sidan, sen ska jag ner och se fotbollen som inte gick igår.

Men nu tror jag att mat är i vad som behövs!

Rostat bröd i massor!

Top Model junkie

Jag vet inte riktigt vad det är med just det programmet (och Lyxfällan) som gör att jag blir alldeles *woooo*. Brukar egentligen inte tycka om dokusåpor/realityshows eller vad man ska kalla det som ser ut på det här viset.

Lyxfällan är ju en annan sak, där får man ju faktiskt lära sig någonting. Något som är ganska bra att lära sig, nämligen att hålla koll på sin ekonomi, så man inte hamnar hos kronofogden och så vidare... men Top Model?!

Vad kan man överhuvudtaget få ut av att titta på det? (Förut

om dåligt självförtroende. Långa, smala, ofta helt omöjligt vackra tjejer som tävlar och man vet att man inte skulle ha en chans emot någon av dem...)

Lite ångestframkallande är det, man vill ju också lyckas, man kämpar och sliter och sliter, och de tar sig fram på grund av att de är vackra (nu tror jag,

och hoppas, att det är mer arbete än så om man ska ligga som Top model på högsta nivå).

Dock måste jag säga att av de säsonger som jag sett... Eller vänta lite.... För att ingen ska missförstå... Whitney = yay! Plus size, jättebra, jag tycker verkligen det är helt super!

Men... Min favorit har nog alltir varit den första vinnaren Adrienne Curry. Hon är så cool! Hon är inte rädd, hon är tuff rockig och bara helt awesome!

Jag menar... Kolla på henne.. Man kan ju inte va swesome om man ser ut sådär! Den bilden skulle passa på vilket Mötley Crue album som helst! (i min värld är det en komplimang...)

Jag vet inte. Jag tror att orsaken till att jag gillar top model så mycket är att jag är fascinerad av kroppar. Inte för att ha en (min drömkropp är mer smidig och stark och passar en kampsportare), men bara rent generellt fascinerad av smala kroppar. Hur de rör sig, hur de ser ut, proportioner... (och hur störd lät inte jag nu då?)

Dock är jag väldigt skeptisk mot Janice Dickinson, hon måste vara totalt helt jävla blåst i huvudet? Är hon avundsjuk bara för att de här tjejerna är snyggare, tuffare och än mer vågade än vad hon var som "the first top model"? (skryt lite mer hörre du!)

Bild:

http://www.homorazzi.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/antm-best-cycle-1-adrianne.jpg

Superfotograf?

Kan ju inte riktigt säga att Jonatans iPhone alltid tar det bästa bilder. Men vilken mobilkamera gör?

Varför lägga ner så mycket pengar på så extremt bra kameror när bilderna blir så dåliga egentligen? Jag menar, behövs det verkligen så högt megapixeltal och så vidare när mycket av bilderna blir sämre än vad bilderna blir av en gammal digitalkamera?

Okay, jag vet, man måste ha ordentlige med ljus och bla bla bla, men ändå. Har man en telefon som kostar för att de har en 8 megapixel kamera så kan den väll leverera? Bilderna på min telefon blir också riktigt dåliga många gånger, och vare sig jag eller Jonatan är dåliga fotografer.

Bilden som jag lägger upp här bredvid är en bild Jonatan tog på väg mot bokmässan i Göteborg i höstas, nu kanske ljuset inte var det bästa när klockan var runt halv 10 på morgonen, utan jag ska mest visa upp mina skills i Photoshop.

Jag har bestämt mig för... Jag gillar Photoshop. Jag tycker det är bra om man är såpass duktig fotograf så att man egentligen inte behöver Photoshop, men Photoshop gör så mycket coola saker som kameror aldrig skulle kunna göra, och det är fan riktigt coolt det också. Den bildern jag gjort om

har jag egentligen bara gjort basic uppljusning av ansiktet på, eftersom (även om det inte ser jättemörkt ut så syns det tydligt på kort som man skriver ut) man knappt kan se ansiktet på mig.

Så fort jag har skrivit klart en uppsats som jag ska försöka ha klar imorgon så ska jag nog sätta mig och kolla igenom massa bilder och tömma minneskortet i kameran (kanske det finns något på det andra också?), för nu ligger det en hel massa skräpbilder på där. Ska ju ändå göra en raid och slänga över massa saker på den externa hårddisken. Sen ska jag prova och se om jag kan se på film från den via min DVD, den har ju faktiskt ett USB uttag så det bör fungera tycker ja. Men vi får se sen.

Oj...

Läste precis ett gammalt inlägg som är över ett år gammalt, det värsta är, mycket av det stämmer fortfarande. Skillnaden nu dock, är att jag har en alldeles underbar pojkvän, som verkar kunna stå ut med det mesta. Eller i alla fall med mig...

(Inlägget kan ni hitta här:

http://aiki-samurailady.blogspot.com/2009/11/kallas-det-missbruk.html)

Men fortfarande är det mycket av det där som gnager och gnager i mig.

Nu när jag sitter och ser på första säsongen av Top Model, är det en diskussion där om ätstörningar då en mycket smal, lång tjej anses äta för dåligt. Hon menar på att hon vet mer om ätstörningar än de andra tjejerna tillsammans (en orsak kan vara att om hon inte vinner, så ska hon börja att läsa till läkare) och det talar inte för henne då de som vet mest om sådant brukar vara de som åker längst ner i skiten. Nu tänker inte jag säga om hon har eller inte har ätstörningar, för det finns sånna som är långa och smala och alla behöver inte samma mängd med mat, hon kanske inte gör av med så mycket energi som de andra.

(nu ska jag också klargöra en sak här innan jag skriver vidare. Jag ser inte på Top Model och tänker "åh, tänk om jag kunde va sådär smal och bla bla bla, orsaken till min problem är på grund av helt andra saker, jag har aldrig, aldrig, ALDRIG varit intresserad av att ha en sådan modell kropp, min drömkropp, om man nu ska ha en sådan, ser betydligt mer vältränad och smidig ut, passande en idrottare, det där är en missuppfattning många har om att alla som har/har haft nån ätstörning har det för att de vill ha size 0, självklart är det många fall på grund av den orsaken, men långt ifrån alla... Sen måste jag lägga till också att Janice Dickinson måste vara en av de absolut största idioterna någonsin, om ni vill veta varför kan ni ju se season 1, i avsnitt 5 får hon en åthutning av Tyra som är så bra!)

Det gör mig lite pissed off att vissa anses vara sjuka även fast de kanske inte är, medans sånna som jag som inte är pinnsmal, ingen skulle tro mej, utan de skulle bara komma med saker som "sluta sjåpa dig" eller något, eftersom att när ben inte skjuter ut från skumma ställen eller man inte har en mage som hänger ner till knäna så kan man ju absolut inte ha en ätstörning, och tvärt om, många antar direkt att sånna som är supersmala inte äter ordentligt, eller att sånna som inte är jättesmal, bara äter en massa fet mat. Hela situationen blir komplex på det här sättet.

Jag måste säga att det ÄR väldigt jobbigt att varje dag, se sig i spegeln och tycka att, nej jag räcker inte till, det här duger inte. Det spelar ingen roll hur man ser ut, alla har något som de kämpar med inombords, vare sig det är en ätstörning eller något annat kroppskomplex, eller vad det nu kan vara. Där har Jonatan var till stor hjälp för mig. Jag tänker ofta sådana saker, men samtidigt vet jag att, även fast jag inte är nöjd, så tycker han fortfarande om mig. Det gör att man kanske blir lite starkare än vad man var förut...

Och jag måste säga att efter c:a 4 år med att komma tillbaka och kunna äta, tänka, leva och vara som en normal människa är det inte mycket som har förändrats.

Det känns som så mycket saker tar så mycket extra energi som man hade velat lagt på annat!

Ångesten som finns de dagar som man äter skräp kommer och går i vågor...

Det faktum att man får göra portionsstora matlådor när man ska nånstans (även om 2 måste med) för att man inte ska vräka i sig maten, eller när man är hemma för den delen.

Att man ändå väger för mycket nu så att knän/fotleder gör ont (och ja, jag vet att det är så, för de gånger jag vägt lite mindre har smärtan i knän och fotleder minskat avsevärt) alldeles för regelbundet.

Jag vet faktiskt inte vilket som är värst. Arbetet med att få en ordentlig förbränning tillbaka igen eller det faktum att jag ibland, fortfarande, får en sorts blandad ångest över att jag äter allt på tallriken, samtidigt som jag inte vill, jag får en ångest över hur mycket jag äter.

Mat, relationen till, ångestladdat hat möte... Det är väll det sättet som man bäst kan förklara just min situation.

Lösningen: Innan jag kommer på något bra/bättre är att jag lagar egentligen inte mer mat än jag behöver, gör jag stora portioner, då fryser jag inte allt snarast och lägger 100% på träningen...

Sen får man bara försöka vara stark och se om man verkligen är påväg åt rätt håll med livet, och att det man lyckats med hitills är en stabil grund, och inte en bräcklig som man kan rasa rakt ner igenom igen, för att förlora det jag har nu, det känns inte som ett alternativ.

Små steg, och nån dag hoppas jag att resultaten av allt ska visa sig.

A bit inspired

Well, studying religion this semester, and right now, Old Scandinavian religion, I had to re-read the book "Odd and The Frost Giants" by Neil Gaiman.

It is not a very long book, you read it in a few hours, but you have that Neil Gaiman feeling from the first page to the last.

Odd and The Frost Giants

Plot

The books protagonist is Odd, a (looking at the name, Neil is most probably inspired by the Norse and Norwegian names) boy who lives with his mother in Norway in ancient Scandinavian times.

Odd was crippled as his right leg had been injured, but he still moved away from his mother. In the woods (where he lived in his fathers old woodcutting cabin) he met three animals, a fox, a bear and an eagle. The animals brings Odd on an adventure trough the cold and ice Norway. The creatures turn out to be Tor, Odin and Loki, three of the most famous gods from the Old Scandinavia myths and legends.

Opinion

The book is cute, very suitable for one familiar with Old Scandinavian religious myths and believes. You can see the fun, but still dark and serious side of Neil Gaiman in the book, and it reminds a lot about other books he has written (Anansi Boy, American Gods for example). It is not a genuine "this happened" but it has many elements know, like the gods fights with the giants, nicely woven together with Odds daily life. This is not really uncommon in ancient beliefs with gods associating with humans. You can really see that Gaiman knows very much about this.

Read it if you can! If you are a teacher in religion or something, get your students to read it!

Picture found on:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51t-H6ss1hL._SL500_AA300_.jpg

The rip-off?

This is actually a short essay I wrote in summer of 2010 on a course in vampire literature (I have here translated it into English). We could chose any subject we wanted, and I decided I was going to study whether the Twilight-series is innovative, or if they are just a rip off of great vampire stories. Once again, even though I do not particularly like Twilight, I will try and keep an open mind.

Is Twilight a rip-off?

Background and aim

Stephanie Meyers books on the humane vampires in the Cullen family seems at first glance like a new thing in the vampire world. In her books there are two kinds of vampires, the more traditional vampires which drink human blood, and there are the humane vampires which are the Cullen family.

Meyer's vampires have developed from the vampires which have an involvement with humans, like Dracula (and his equal in Murnau's version of Bram Stoker's novel). Meyer's storyline on the other hand are not very innovative. She is writing a story which contains well-known elements from books, TV-series, films and other media which have had a vampire story. The aim of this analyse is to find and specify what elements can be found elsewhere and what new ideas Meyer has brought into the vampire world.

Analyse

The vampire Edward Cullen is very frustrated that he can not read his human girlfriend Bella's mind. This is not a new subject in vampire stories. That vampires can read mind can be found in many stories, but this specific situation can be found in the Sookie Stackhouse novels by Charlaine Harris, even though the situation is reversed and the human (Sookie) can not read her vampire boyfriend Bill's mind. In this case, the novels about Sookie was published four years before the first Twilight novel was published.

The theme of the forbidden love between human and vampire is not either a very uncommon trait in vampire stories. Examples can be in Francis Ford Coppola's version of Dracula where Count Dracula and Mina has an erotic attraction. It is also found in Buffy The Vampire Slayer where Buffy falls in love with two vampires (and we also find love between humans and other demons and werewolves, the latter also found in Twilight). It is also in Buffy the question whether a vampire has a soul is brought up an questioned more strongly than in other vampire works. Though we can find traces of it in Anne Rice book Interview with a Vampire where Louis in parts of the books refuses to drink human blood as he thinks hes a devils spawn.

The more vampire stories one read, the less innovative Meyer's vampires seems, but she does never really bring the dark parts of a vampires nature into light.

That Meyer has been influenced by the Sookie Stackhouse novels, there is no doubt. There can be no coincidence that both stories involve a person who can not read his lovers mind. Also the question whether a vampire could really love one as they have no soul is brought up time after time in Buffy, and the spin-off Angel, but also in Interview with a Vampire where Louis is sure that when he became a vampire he lost his soul. This is things found in the character of Edward Cullen, whom is sure he has no soul as he is a dangerous creature who wants to drink the blood of the one he loves.

Meyer also brings up the question on a "royal" vampire family, but that is not something completely new either. In True Blood we have the Sheriffs and the Magisters, and in Underworld we can find the Elders which can be related to Caius, Marcus and Aro from the Volturis in Twilight.

Another one of the most debatable things in Twilight are the fact that Edward Cullen can actually reproduce in a natural way, even though he is dead. This is not either something new, in Angel's spin-off series of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, we can see that vampires can reproduce in a natural way, and not only by siring people. In Twilight we also get to know another family of "vegetarian" vampires, and they created vampire children in the same was as Louis and Lestat made in Interview with a Vampire (through siring them as young children, so they get stuck in the body of a young child). The child talked about in Twilight does on the other hand not have the same role as Claudia have in Anne Rice's book, but still we can see the similarities between the two stories. Also we find the hybrid between two different creatures in the Underworld series, where Michael Corvin is a vampire/werewolf hybrid, while Renesmee from Twilight is a human/vampire hybrid.

The settings story-wise in Twilight are similar to those in Buffy, where we start out at High School, and follows the development of the protagonist trough their High School years. Both the females (Buffy and Bella) are in doubt whether they should go through and go to college, as they both know they can never have a normal future. Here on the other hand the stories differs, Bella becomes pregnant and Edward has to make her a vampire to survive, while Buffy goes to college but drops out to take care of her sister and start working. Another similarity in the story between Twilight and other vampire stories are the question about stalking. In Buffy, Buffy gets stalked both by Angel, where she even says "[y]ou know, being stalked isn't really a big turn on for girls" (Episode 1, Season 2). Even the book series The Vampire Diaries (the first parts being published between 1991-1992) brings up the theme with a High School girl getting in touch with vampires and becoming stalked by the one who has feelings for her.

As I mentioned earlier, the werewolves in Meyer's book are not new either, we find similar werewolves falling in love with humans in Buffy (Willow and Oz). In the first books Meyers werewolves seems to be something new, but when we find out they are shape shifters, and that it was just a coincidence that they became wolves the similarities with Sam Merlotte from Charlaine Harris books become prominent. We also find the use of regular wolves in Bram Stoker's Dracula.

What Meyers has brought into the vampire world as new would be that vampires does not die or burn in the sunlight, and that that have no fangs (at least they never mention they have). This on the other hand feels more like a development backwards or making vampires more like humans, than evolving them further. One could ask if the Twilight vampires are not zombies as they have no know vampire traits except for drinking blood, but zombies also eat and drink of humans.

The fact that vampires will not die of sunlight are found in very few vampire stories or myths, but that they sparkle is something completely new. They have been described as shimmering (Anne Rice once explains Louis skin as shimmering in the light), but never as sparkling. This is also one of the aspects of the Stephanie Meyer vampires that has created the most debate among vampire lovers, but even if a majority thinks that vampires should not sparkle, there is no question that it is something new, and never seen before. The friend ship between vampires and shape shifters or werewolves are not an empty source of inspiration either. It can be found, but the idea has not really developed further, not even between Oz and Angel in Buffy. Stephanie Meyer also bring the word "imprinting" into the world of paranormal love, even though it can be found in the animal world, but it is not so common in this area, used as a method of bringing the story further.

Conclusion

Twilight might not be a rip-off, but the influence from Buffy, Sookie Stackhouse novels and Anne Rice books are very obvious. She has changed the traditional vampire into something looking more like us, and that make it lose lot's of it's appeal it has when being dangerous and unreachable for humans. The Twilight saga should not be read or defined as a vampire book, but as a romance story. She has taken the vampires one step closer to being humans and other humane vampires (Angel, Bill Compton and so one) still have some of their vampire traits left, so that there is a difference between humans and vampires, they for example have their fangs left, and they burn or die in the sun light. Many of the things Meyer brings up in her books are not new and are seen in vampire stories publish long before her books, and she seems to have brought more or just as much into world of the werewolves.

Saying that her books are creative are not really the truth either. She has used many different kinds of know elements from vampires stories and carefully chosen the parts that made these other stories successful. Calling it a rip-off is maybe to exaggerate, this "stealing" is used by many directors, and authors and they use inspiration from different places. Meyer just seems like she has taken this a bit further than others in the business. The expression "Twilight is like Buffy, but without the good bits!" seems like a good way to finish this essay.

(The books and stories analysed for this essay are all published before 2005, therefore, they are publish before the first Twilight book was).