1)
Haiku:
The day will stand still
When flowers bloom in winter
The sun smiles red
2)
My Poem:
The Moons white light
Shining on the face
The face of a dead
The white skin
The blue lips
The closed eyes
They follow me everywhere
Not getting rid of it
It makes me,
makes me look like,
feel like one
When there is a sound
I don't hear it
My head has gone
It's spinning
Spinning out of...
Yes, out of what?
It's making me crazy
Just one nights sleep!
When begging for it don't help
When drinking don't help
When it's gone for good
I will also become one of those faces
3)
Limerick:
There once was a boy from Hull,
Everyone thought he was rather dull
Stuffed and stuffed his mouth
Afterwards he used to shout
That, oh he felt very, very full
Really liked your poems! Especially the limerick, very funny!
SvaraRaderaHannah
I really liked your Haiku, simple but powerful =)
SvaraRaderaThe second poem was brilliant and I loved it!
About the limerick I think the rhythm could use some work so that the first, second and fifth line "matches" each other and have the same rhythm. And the third and forth lines should be shorter and contain less syllables than the other ones.
Keep up the good work!
/Sofie
Keep up the good work!
/Sofie
Nice haiku and free-style job, Sanna, and I'm fascinated with the last line of both! By the way, the Hull-dull-full rhyme of your limerick works much better if read out in a Northern English accent, so let's! =)
SvaraRadera- Tip: Pay closer attention to the rhythm patterns of your limerick (you'd probably have found our workshop on rhythm and rhyme useful). Feel free to use the following template as a starting point:
da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM
da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM
da-DUM-da-da-DUM
da-DUM-da-da-DUM
da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM
Example:
There once was a farmer from Leeds
Who swallowed six packets of seeds
It soon came to pass
He was covered with grass
And couldn't sit down for the weeds
Nice poems.
SvaraRadera