And everything had been fine for a while, until I started to get mails from an unknown person. The guy who I saw as my soul mate started to get jealous. And the mails were followed up by calls and letters. I never knew who he was; he never came forward and never got close to me. And now, half a year later I dared to go out again for the first time since.
The green and red blinking lights at the club were making me dizzy. I had to find somewhere to sit down and rest a bit. It all started to spin and I fell over before I could reach the stairs. But I never hit the ground, but ended up in the arms of a young guy.
- Hey there lady, you alright?
- I’m not old.
I didn’t know why but the only thing I felt odd about was the fact he called me a lady. As if I was old! I was only 26. He helped me to get to a chair and ordered a glass of water for mer.
- Been drinking too much ey lady?
I shook my head. I had only had two drinks.
- I think we should try and get you home.
I couldn’t do anything but agree. I was feeling very ill and I came close to throwing up a few times. He stopped a taxi in the street outside of the club and I mumbled my address to the driver. The young man helped me all the way in; my legs couldn’t hold my weight.
When I woke up in the morning I had a very bad headache. I went up to get a glass of water, but when I got into my living room I got frightened. On the sofa were an unknown man sleeping, I doubted he could even be 18 yet. But who was he?
I poked him with a shoe I found on the floor on the shoulder, he didn’t move. I thought at first he was dead but then I saw him breathing and I hit him in the head with the shoe.
- Ouch!
- Who are you and what are you doing in my house?
- You don’t remember. I helped you home yesterday. I think you were drugged when you were out clubbing.
I looked at him, suspicious. I could remember parts of it, but I couldn’t remember letting him sleep at my sofa.
- Well, no you didn’t, but you were being sick all the time and you couldn’t walk to the bathroom on your own.
I looked at him again, her face starting to soften. He looked at her with bright blue eyes and then they suddenly changed. They turned sad.
- And in some way, I can see you are very precious, I know you better then you think. You have a PhD in Literature, but you work at the local college instead of a fancy university, you have your car in the shop because you ended up in the ditch last week after getting a flat for driving over a nail, you have no boyfriend and no kids and you see your mother once every month, last weekend.
My eyes went big as I realized something. I knew exactly who he was. He was the reason I went clubbing with my friends last night at all! For the past half year, he was the one who had been stalking me. He was the one calling me and sending me letters. He had never been violent, until as he had mentioned, I ended up in the ditch, because the nails that had been ripping up my tire were new and the police said there were plenty of them on the road, as if someone was making sure whoever it was they were intended for, was not going to miss it.
It was him, the reason I had been sleeping bad for weeks.
- Why are you here?
- Because I know I make you sad. I have realized that now, so I wanted to show you something.
He took me by the hand.
- Don’t be scared. It wasn’t me who put the nails on the road, they weren’t for you. Trust me, I would never hurt you.
For some reason I believed him, I could see in his eyes he was telling the truth, so I followed him up the stairs to the roof. We sat down and he looked at me, then he stood up and went to the edge of the roof. I stood behind him and whispered in his ear.
- I’m sorry, but I could never love you. My heart belongs to someone else.
He looked at me, with sad eyes as he went back downstairs with his head hanging and tears falling. And I knew I could never get my soul mate back.
And then, I jumped
The green and red blinking lights at the club were making me dizzy. I had to find somewhere to sit down and rest a bit. It all started to spin and I fell over before I could reach the stairs. But I never hit the ground, but ended up in the arms of a young guy.
- Hey there lady, you alright?
- I’m not old.
I didn’t know why but the only thing I felt odd about was the fact he called me a lady. As if I was old! I was only 26. He helped me to get to a chair and ordered a glass of water for mer.
- Been drinking too much ey lady?
I shook my head. I had only had two drinks.
- I think we should try and get you home.
I couldn’t do anything but agree. I was feeling very ill and I came close to throwing up a few times. He stopped a taxi in the street outside of the club and I mumbled my address to the driver. The young man helped me all the way in; my legs couldn’t hold my weight.
When I woke up in the morning I had a very bad headache. I went up to get a glass of water, but when I got into my living room I got frightened. On the sofa were an unknown man sleeping, I doubted he could even be 18 yet. But who was he?
I poked him with a shoe I found on the floor on the shoulder, he didn’t move. I thought at first he was dead but then I saw him breathing and I hit him in the head with the shoe.
- Ouch!
- Who are you and what are you doing in my house?
- You don’t remember. I helped you home yesterday. I think you were drugged when you were out clubbing.
I looked at him, suspicious. I could remember parts of it, but I couldn’t remember letting him sleep at my sofa.
- Well, no you didn’t, but you were being sick all the time and you couldn’t walk to the bathroom on your own.
I looked at him again, her face starting to soften. He looked at her with bright blue eyes and then they suddenly changed. They turned sad.
- And in some way, I can see you are very precious, I know you better then you think. You have a PhD in Literature, but you work at the local college instead of a fancy university, you have your car in the shop because you ended up in the ditch last week after getting a flat for driving over a nail, you have no boyfriend and no kids and you see your mother once every month, last weekend.
My eyes went big as I realized something. I knew exactly who he was. He was the reason I went clubbing with my friends last night at all! For the past half year, he was the one who had been stalking me. He was the one calling me and sending me letters. He had never been violent, until as he had mentioned, I ended up in the ditch, because the nails that had been ripping up my tire were new and the police said there were plenty of them on the road, as if someone was making sure whoever it was they were intended for, was not going to miss it.
It was him, the reason I had been sleeping bad for weeks.
- Why are you here?
- Because I know I make you sad. I have realized that now, so I wanted to show you something.
He took me by the hand.
- Don’t be scared. It wasn’t me who put the nails on the road, they weren’t for you. Trust me, I would never hurt you.
For some reason I believed him, I could see in his eyes he was telling the truth, so I followed him up the stairs to the roof. We sat down and he looked at me, then he stood up and went to the edge of the roof. I stood behind him and whispered in his ear.
- I’m sorry, but I could never love you. My heart belongs to someone else.
He looked at me, with sad eyes as he went back downstairs with his head hanging and tears falling. And I knew I could never get my soul mate back.
And then, I jumped
Great story, not too long and not too short!
SvaraRaderaThough I have some comments about the ending; it feels like a whole new story starts when she says that her heart belongs to someone else, and that she never could get her soulmate back. Since it is a very short story with two main characters it feels a bit jumpy to suddenly mention a third person at the end, since you don't have any background to that person at all in the story.
But the story was very easy read, the story-telling language is perfect, and I really liked it.
Keep up the good work!
/Sofie
I agree with Sofie about how easy it is to read, the language flows very well the whole story through. And the story itself is very intriguing! Although at some point you switch out the "I" for a "her".
SvaraRaderaI'm looking forward to the next assignment! /Sandra
Hear, hear! I, too, think that your direct, lifelike approach to the actual story-telling really suits both your story and, as far as I can tell from just one piece, you as a writer - good choice! So far, however, your "And then I jumped" is the only one I can't seem to get my head around (not even after rereading your story), but since I'm more intrigued than frustrated by this fact as your reader, I'm not going to hold it against you as your teacher! :)
SvaraRaderaYour writing is good, you have some competence that the other writers in this course lacks (from what I've read so far). You write everything straightforward with good punctuation which makes it an easy reading. I could cope with all info from the beginning without having to reread it.
SvaraRaderaHowever the story has some problems with that your perspective is not consistent like Sandra told you. It switches between first- and third-person narrative. Also you can try to use a more colorful language.
Also, like Andy, i didn't quite get the ending.
If I can defend my self and explain the ending... It's like this: in the beginning it's told how she lost her soul mate because of this stalker... And when he leaves, and she realised how easy it was to get rid of him, she realised that she could have still had her soul mate with her... If she had gone to the police or done something about it, and she couldnt live with that...
SvaraRadera